i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
