ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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