There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize