# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The struggles of a small town man whore
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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