I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
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