No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
