His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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