I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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