Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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