You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
