I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize