i don't like sucking hair
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
