you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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