I don't usually arrange sex via text message
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize