I puked a lego.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize