worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
