Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
