Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
