The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
