At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
