I haven't been this sober since birth.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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