Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
