I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
