just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Drunk is not a location!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
