I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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