Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
