i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
