we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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