the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
