Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
