I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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