Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize