I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I didn't notice because vodka
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
