He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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