i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
