the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
