I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
