And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
ugly people sure do ruin things
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Randomize
