no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
