I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize