in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
