Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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