I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
