There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I would ride that face into the sunset
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
