non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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