What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
