That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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