I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
