I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
do nipples grow back?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
