Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize