My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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