my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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