So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize