Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
