I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Verdict: uncircumcised.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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