Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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