hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
