you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
