why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
