He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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