We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
