And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
