my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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