I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
