I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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