Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
