Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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