i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
