I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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