On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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