I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
