you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
