haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
