There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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