where am i from again
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
did i just pee glitter
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
