Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
