i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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