Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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