She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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