Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
well you can't waste a boner
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
