We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
