aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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