How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
