i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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