My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
