Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
