I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
