I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
