You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
