We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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