I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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