i need an iv and a liver transplant
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
