I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
