i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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