he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
that's an acceptable place to lick
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
