She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize