and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
