Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
