I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
