Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You're earring is so big in my mouth
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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