my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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