and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
